Retirement with your spouse is just within arm’s reach, when you receive the phone call: “Something happened to Mom.” Suddenly, your world is turned upside down as the realities of caregiving set in. You may think you can simply organize help, get things all set and quickly return to your world and your plans. But shortly into your new caregiving role, you realize that Mom and Dad did not plan well for this possibility and it’s too late to change things now. Somebody has to shoulder the work of caring, arranging for care and possibly, financing care.
Aging Baby Boomers are faced with caring for our long-lived parents. Although we are glad to still have our parents with us and doing well, when things take a turn and caring becomes your all-encompassing activity, real problems can develop for you and your spouse.
Approximately 80% of caregivers report strain on their marriages due to caregiving pressures. About 75% of them say they had no choice but to step up. So how do you create both the understanding and the support needed in a caring relationship that also includes providing care for a parent or other loved one?
Understand that even if you are the only child, caring for your loved one is not a solo act. You may have to dig, get creative, not meet every desire expressed and accept whatever help is available. Providing care does not have to mean that you provide the care. It means you ensure that care is provided.
Your spouse/partner cares more about you, the caregiver, than they do the loved one you are caring for. While that might seem selfish, would you really want it any other way? You must respond to that love openly and with acknowledgement. “I know this is not what we had planned and having you with me is the only way I can get through this. I love you for loving me.”
Find ways to make as much of your life together shine. Kim Andreaus, the aging and eldercare manager for SAS Work/Life, urges people to keep romance alive. “Try to find small, regular moments for you and your partner to connect. This can be making time for morning coffee together, a special show that you make time to watch or an evening walk with the dog.”
The Caregiver Foundation works with the community to promote caregiver support groups and holds a Caregiver Support Group on the third Tuesday of every month. Check out the website for announcements and registration details or call the number below.
Joining a Caregiver Support Group connects you with others who understand your challenges, offering validation, practical advice and emotional support to help prevent burnout.
THE CAREGIVER FOUNDATION (nonprofit)
926 3rd St., Pearl City, HI 96782
808-625-3782 | info@thecaregiverfoundation.org
thecaregiverfoundation.org
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