Caregivers are at a great risk of overwhelming stress and burnout due to the enormous responsibility put on them. But as the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” So what are some realistic ways to “refill your cup?”
The first step is to create space and time to care for yourself. Think of hobbies you enjoy and make time for them. Staying active and getting quality sleep will also help you keep up the stamina you will need to continue providing good care to your loved ones. Your community can also offer tremendous support. Many support groups, both in person and online, can connect you with others going through the same struggles. They may provide resources like respite care, tips for caregiving and even counseling services.
Lastly, be kind to yourself and give yourself grace. Caring for an aging parent can bring up a rainbow of emotions and letting yourself feel them without judgment can help you process them. The work you do is important and even if you feel alone, you are part of the roughly 154,000 caregivers in Hawai‘i. You are not alone in this. Don’t forget to fill your cup!
Caregivers are at a great risk of overwhelming stress and burnout due to the enormous responsibility put on them. But as the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” So what are some realistic ways to “refill your cup?” The first step is to create space and time to care for yourself. Think…
When I was growing up, it was a custom for my family to wave goodbye to those leaving after a visit. We waved at the door, the end of the driveway and the airport. We waved until we could no longer see them, their car or plane! With tears in our eyes, we waved. In our hearts we already longed to see them again!
When we left for school or work, my mother would stand and wave until we were out of sight. There was something reassuring about seeing her, knowing she would be there when we returned. I guess that’s the power of the goodbye wave. It’s a physical confirmation of love.
Now, in her final stage of dementia, my mother has been in and out of hospice four times. Each time was a goodbye and each time I waved goodbye — each time, with tears in my eyes. Each time, I relived the grief of losing her. Each time.
Most days, I’m overcome with emotion, yet I cope, thanks to weekly support sessions. Please get the support you need and also remember that you are not alone.
When I was growing up, it was a custom for my family to wave goodbye to those leaving after a visit. We waved at the door, the end of the driveway and the airport. We waved until we could no longer see them, their car or plane! With tears in our eyes, we waved. In…
As we age, oral health becomes even more essential in order to maintain a healthy mouth, not just for ourselves, but also as an example for future generations. Passing down the tradition of good oral hygiene habits can have a lasting impact on your keiki and grandchildren.
Just as traditions like family meals and shared stories strengthen bonds, teaching children the importance of brushing, flossing and regular dental visits help instill lifelong habits that help prevent serious oral health issues. These small yet powerful routines become part of who they are, ensuring their health for years to come.
As role models, adults have the unique opportunity to demonstrate that oral care isn’t just a chore but a vital part of a healthy life. By brushing our teeth twice a day, flossing daily and regularly visiting the dentist as part of our routine, we show younger family members the importance of self-care and creating healthy habits.
By embracing oral health as a tradition, we not only safeguard our own well-being but also pass down a legacy of care and self-respect. The example we set today will continue to shape the smiles and health of tomorrow. Let’s celebrate the simple act of oral care as a lasting gift for those we love!
As we age, oral health becomes even more essential in order to maintain a healthy mouth, not just for ourselves, but also as an example for future generations. Passing down the tradition of good oral hygiene habits can have a lasting impact on your keiki and grandchildren. Just as traditions like family meals and shared…
Many seniors first step into the Y because their doctor says they need to keep moving. Others stop in for a visit because their health plan includes a free membership. Some are nudged to give “the Y” a try by family members who want them to get out and stay engaged. But what happens next is something we see time and again — what starts as a single visit turns into a daily routine, a lifeline — a second home.
It’s that first warm greeting when they check in — and every time after. It’s the welcoming class instructor, friendly potlucks, laughter over mahjong or the camaraderie of our Kupuna Food & Fun program, where seniors share meals, swap stories and enjoy activities. Some classes are staff-led, like crafting, bingo and gardening. Others are member-led, with seniors sharing skills in lei-making, cooking or ‘ukulele. Volunteers even teach seniors how to confidently and safely use iPhones and email.
With seniors making up a third of Y members, there are endless opportunities to make new friends and reconnect with old ones. And it’s affordable — many health insurance plans include free Y memberships. We offer senior rates and financial aid. The Y isn’t just a gym. It’s a second home. It’s ‘ohana. Join today!
Many seniors first step into the Y because their doctor says they need to keep moving. Others stop in for a visit because their health plan includes a free membership. Some are nudged to give “the Y” a try by family members who want them to get out and stay engaged. But what happens next…
This year, the Hawaii United Okinawa Association (HUOA) proudly celebrates the 125th anniversary of Okinawan immigration to Hawai‘i — a milestone that not only marks our history, but also acknowledges the resilience, achievements and cultural legacy of our ancestors. Since the arrival of the first 26 Okinawan immigrants in 1900, the community has grown into a vibrant and integral part of Hawai‘i’s diverse landscape. Through perseverance, hard work and an unbreakable spirit, generations of Uchinanchu have contributed to Hawai‘i’s society while preserving and sharing Okinawan culture. “Uchinanchu” is the term used by Okinawan immigrants and their descendants in Hawai‘i to identify themselves as an ethnic group distinct from the Yamatunchu of Japan’s four main islands. Okinawa is the southernmost and westernmost prefecture.
Hawai‘i’s issei (first-generation immigrants) faced immense hardship, from discrimination to backbreaking labor on the plantations. Yet, they held fast to their identity, building families, businesses and communities that have thrived for over a century. Today, their legacy is evident in the Okinawan clubs, the annual Okinawan Festival and the cultural institutions that continue to educate and inspire new generations. The preservation of our language, music, dance and values speaks to the dedication of those who came before us and the commitment of those who carry the torch forward.
Leading this year’s milestone celebration is HUOA President Frances Nakachi Kuba, whose theme, Miree Ya Kugani – Bright Hopeful Future, encourages us to honor our past while looking ahead with optimism. Under her leadership, HUOA continues to cultivate cultural programs, strengthen community connections and inspire the next generation of Okinawan leaders. Her vision recognizes that while we celebrate our heritage, we must also ensure its growth and relevance for future generations.
As we reflect on this historic anniversary, we recognize that our community’s success is built upon the sacrifices and dreams of our ancestors. We honor them by continuing their work — preserving our culture, uplifting our people and embracing new opportunities. The journey of the Okinawan community in Hawai‘i is one of resilience and unity, and with Miree Ya Kugani as our guiding light, we look forward to a future as bright and hopeful as the one our ancestors envisioned. Ippee nifee deebiru — thank you to all who have contributed to this remarkable legacy.
The celebration of 125 years of Okinawan immigration to Hawai‘i and emigration to the world is not a single event, but a yearlong series of commemorative activities and festivities. Each milestone and program reflects the legacy and enduring contributions of the Okinawan community in Hawai‘i. There will be many opportunities to celebrate this milestone year, and more information can be found at huoa.org/events.
This year, the Hawaii United Okinawa Association (HUOA) proudly celebrates the 125th anniversary of Okinawan immigration to Hawai‘i — a milestone that not only marks our history, but also acknowledges the resilience, achievements and cultural legacy of our ancestors. Since the arrival of the first 26 Okinawan immigrants in 1900, the community has grown into…
Bonsai (tray planting) is a Japanese art form that originated from the Chinese practice of “penjing” from the 6th century. Eventually it was redeveloped under the Japanese Zen Buddhism representing peace, harmony and strength.
TOOLS The first things to consider as a beginner creating a bonsai are the basic tools: various types and sizes of shears and clippers for trimming, and an array of copper wire thicknesses.
SELECTING A PLANT Next is selecting a plant. For beginners, I suggest starting with a jade plant. They are durable and easy to work with. There are different types to choose from and they come in different forms. I usually let the plant dictate the style. Here, I found a plant that had potential because it overgrew its container. I saw how I could continue to direct that. So, I decided to create a cascade-style bonsai.
SHAPING Shaping the plant as envisioned, I use copper wires. Carefully curl them around its branches like a flexible cast to bend and hold them to the desired form. There are various thicknesses of wires depending on the thickness of each branch. During the next several months as the plant grows, methodically start pruning and shaping it, a little at a time, to the look you desire.
POTTING When it’s beginning to take the shape of what you’ve envisioned, it’s time to select the pot that best enhances the style that you’ve chosen. Here, I chose a tall, narrow ceramic pot about 8 inches in height. I had to be sure it was tall enough for my cascading branches, and that it also complements the pot’s shape.
TRIMMING Again, I am constantly reshaping the plant to blend with the pot. This is my jade plant after six months. As the plant continues to grow, you, too, must grow with it. Accept the natural changes the plant would offer. Sometimes a little bud might catch your attention and offers you another perspective. So trimming, shaping and maintaining the plant’s health is essential as it grows — as well as keeping an open mind.
ENJOY Bonsai is an art form. It requires patience — after all, plants have their own natural time for growth — and vision, and heart. Creating a bonsai is a meditative process; a constant dance with nature. It really is not about control, rather, it’s about surrender. I find it relaxing and creative, producing these miniature forms. I hope you all find the same pleasure in bonsai as I do.
Bonsai (tray planting) is a Japanese art form that originated from the Chinese practice of “penjing” from the 6th century. Eventually it was redeveloped under the Japanese Zen Buddhism representing peace, harmony and strength. TOOLSThe first things to consider as a beginner creating a bonsai are the basic tools: various types and sizes of shears…
Mochi was a rare treat when I was growing up, so I ate my fill of it at family gatherings on New Year’s Day: delicious homemade zenzai, nantu (Okinawan mochi), mochi filled with sweet bean paste and my favorite — soft, pillowy chi chi dango. This is my mother’s version.
Ingredients
16 oz. box of mochiko (sweet glutinous rice flour) 2-2/3 cups water 1/2 c evaporated milk 1/2 c water 2-1/2 cups sugar (or more) to taste kinako (roasted soybean flour) or potato starch for dusting
Directions
Combine mochiko and 2-2/3 cups water in a large bowl and steam 45 minutes to 1 hour until solid but still sticky.
While the mochi is steaming, combine evaporated milk, 1/2 cup water and sugar in a small pot (add another 1/4 cup sugar if you like it sweeter). Bring to a boil. If you want colored mochi, stir in a few drops of food coloring.
Add liquid gradually to bowl with steamed mochiko and stir.
Butter a 9-by-13-inch glass pan and pour the mixture into it. Let it cool and set. Butter a plastic knife and cut the chi chi dango.
Cut the 13-inch length of the pan in fourths and then cut rows approximately an inch wide. Dust pieces with kinako or potato starch; brush off excess.
Prep time: about 1-1/2 hours
Yield: 52 pieces, about 1-by-2-1/4 inches.
Do you have a favorite recipe and story to share? For consideration in the next issue, include a photo and mail them to Generations Recipe, PO Box 4213, Honolulu, HI 96812, or email them to Cynthia@generations808.com.
RECIPE NOTE: The Hawai‘i Book of Rice, Volume 2 by Cheryl Chee Tsutsumi features 101 rice recipes, including this one. The book is available for $22.95 at bookshawaii.net (free shipping on all Hawai‘i orders), Barnes & Noble, Walmart and other retail outlets statewide.
Mochi was a rare treat when I was growing up, so I ate my fill of it at family gatherings on New Year’s Day: delicious homemade zenzai, nantu (Okinawan mochi), mochi filled with sweet bean paste and my favorite — soft, pillowy chi chi dango. This is my mother’s version. Ingredients 16 oz. box of…
Since more than 1,500 years ago, Kānaka Maoli (Native Hawaiians) have welcomed immigrants from every corner of the globe, cultivating and perpetuating a tapestry of diverse cultures. In this third article in our series about the many cultures that comprise Hawai‘i, we will focus on the Japanese — how they arrived here, their culture and a few celebrated observances.
Japanese Arrival in Hawai‘i
PC: Mō‘ili‘ili Summer Festival Committee
The earliest documented arrival of Japanese in Hawai‘i was in 1806, when survivors of a Japanese ship became stranded in the Pacific Ocean, then rescued by Capt. Cornelius Sole of an American ship. Upon docking in O‘ahu, the captain left the survivors in King Kamehameha I’s care. From 1869 to 1885, emigration from Japan was suspended. In 1881, King David Kalākaua visited and successfully strengthened relations between Hawai‘i and Japan, and emigration began again in 1885. Today, about 16% of Hawai‘i’s population is of Japanese ancestry.
Culture and Tradition
Many aspects of Japanese culture are embedded in the local ways of life. For example, we played “jan-ken-pon” instead of “rock-paper-scissors” in our hanabata days. “Hanabata” (runny nose) is just one example of how Japanese words and phrases are infused in daily conversation. Japanese food — ramen, sashimi, bento, etc. — is also an integral part of local culture. Japanese art, such as ikebana (flower arranging) and gyotaku (fish printing) are popular in Hawai‘i. The Honolulu Museum of Art has over 10,000 Japanese ukiyo-e woodblock prints in its collection.
Celebrations and Obon
Many Japanese celebrations are enthusiastically honored each year in Hawai‘i. Families and friends get together for mochitsuki (mochi-pounding) during oshogatsu (Japanese New Year) and pound for peace, prosperity and good health. On Kodomo no Hi (Children’s Day) on May 5, families fly koinobori, carp-shaped windsocks. On Tanabata (Star Festival) on July 7, one writes a wish on tanzaku (colorful paper) and displays it.
One of the most important events, the traditional, three-day Buddhist Obon festival, is celebrated each summer to honor ancestors. Obon was introduced to Hawai‘i in the late 1800s by Japanese plantation workers. On the first day, families clean ancestral graves, calling spirits home by hanging lanterns outside or lighting mukae-bi (welcoming fires). On the second day, bon odori (bon dance) is held. Unique to Hawai‘i is hatsubon — the first memorial service to honor those who passed since last Obon season. Finally, okuri-bon (to send off) is held on the third day, when families light toro nagashi (floating lanterns) to help guide ancestors back to their world. This year, Obon festivals will be held throughout the summer, from June to September.
The next article in this series will feature the influences of Okinawan culture in Hawai‘i.
Since more than 1,500 years ago, Kānaka Maoli (Native Hawaiians) have welcomed immigrants from every corner of the globe, cultivating and perpetuating a tapestry of diverse cultures. In this third article in our series about the many cultures that comprise Hawai‘i, we will focus on the Japanese — how they arrived here, their culture and…
You may now find yourself single or maybe you have been single for years. You’ve managed a home, raised children and worked 40-plus hours a week in a demanding, often stressful job.
Leigh and Cathy at the 2024 NYC PPA Tournament.
I’ve been single for several years, so cooking for one and maintaining a home were things I had already conquered. Pat yourself on the back if you are single and have done this, as well!
I looked forward to retirement and doing whatever I wanted. But I struggled to find something I enjoyed doing with my “extra” time. But then, I discovered pickleball and my days filled up quickly! I made many new friends and even won several medals in tournaments!
I also started a card group. A friend goes on cruises with me. After downsizing and moving into my condo, a group of us started having happy hour on the beach, going to movies and attending theater performances. I have even served on my condo’s homeowners’ association board of directors.
In 2023, I began working for Generations Magazine, helping my daughter-in-law, Cynthia Arnold. My “extra time” filled up quickly!
So, find those fun activities — and more importantly, people you enjoy being with. Your life will be much more fulfilling doing things that bring you joy!
You may now find yourself single or maybe you have been single for years. You’ve managed a home, raised children and worked 40-plus hours a week in a demanding, often stressful job. I’ve been single for several years, so cooking for one and maintaining a home were things I had already conquered. Pat yourself on…
Seeing the big signs and online ads that say “Going Out of Business! Everything Must Go!” can be tempting, but these sales aren’t always what they seem.
Fake “online sale” websites:
Scammers create fake websites advertising clearance sales, pretending to be popular brands. You place an order, get a tracking number but nothing arrives. Others may send cheap knockoffs instead of advertised products.
Misleading marketing:
Not all these sales are scams, but even legitimate store closures don’t always offer the deals they promise. Many retailers hire third-party liquidators who mark up prices before discounting them or stretch out sales for months. Some businesses advertise closures indefinitely to pressure shoppers.
Shop smart by looking up the business on BBB.org. Verify websites by checking URL spellings and look for “https://.” Use a credit card for fraud protection. Compare prices before buying to make sure the “deal” is real.
These simple steps and Better Business Bureau insights can help you make better buying choices, keeping your money safe — even when the deal looks really good!
Seeing the big signs and online ads that say “Going Out of Business! Everything Must Go!” can be tempting, but these sales aren’t always what they seem. Fake “online sale” websites: Scammers create fake websites advertising clearance sales, pretending to be popular brands. You place an order, get a tracking number but nothing arrives. Others…
In American society, we are often anxious and afraid to look directly at death and accept it as a mysterious, important and integral aspect of our living. So, we ignore death and do not explore, discuss and plan for our end-of-life care.
We are too often unprepared when the time comes and we are told we have a serious progressive illness. We may not have prepared our loved ones for the time when we can no longer make decisions on our own, leaving them anxious without knowing what we want during our end-of-life journey. Because we are unprepared, we are overwhelmed with strong feelings, including fear and anxiety bringing negative thoughts, concerns and questions flooding into our life. What now?
With assistance and honest discussions with loved ones before a health crisis occurs, plans can be created and shared, which can reduce fears and can become the catalyst for healing of long-held pain from wounds which we have been carrying within.
This healing is the process of becoming whole and balanced, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, discovering life’s meaning, allowing the emergence of our genuine, authentic selves. In most situations with the right care, physical pain can be treated and made manageable.
Why not plan for this ahead of time, before we are told we are dying? Part of this process of healing is clearing up relationships through honest dialogue. Granting forgiveness and asking for forgiveness can help to set things right, releasing long-held pain. Who might you need to do this with?
Telling others “thank you” and expressing your gratitude for their role in your life provides meaningful affirmation for both you and them. Who do you need to thank?
Exploring resources and developing your support community can help you to answer the question, “Who will take care of me and my affairs?”
Sharing love is healing. Who do you love? Have you told them so lately? Is there someone you love, but haven’t told them?
It’s about talking to your loved ones about what you or they want for end-of-life care. Honest conversations with loved ones about what you would like to have happen at the end of your life help you to self-reflect on what is important and will let loved ones know your wishes. These conversations can happen at any time — even if you are not seriously ill.
Use the information below to learn about starting “the conversation,” advance care planning and resources to bring peace at the end of life.
In American society, we are often anxious and afraid to look directly at death and accept it as a mysterious, important and integral aspect of our living. So, we ignore death and do not explore, discuss and plan for our end-of-life care. We are too often unprepared when the time comes and we are told…
“We’re not in charge anymore” is the phrase I find myself repeating over and over again to my husband, Bill. The first time I heard myself say that to him was when he complained about waiting for our son and his partner to choose a date in September to move some of our furniture from the three-bedroom townhouse in ‘Ahuimanu to the newly renovated one-bedroom unit downstairs in Kailua, where we will live out the rest of our lives. They chose the Labor Day holiday.
PC: iStock / Jacob Wackerhausen
I should explain that Bill suffered a stroke the summer of 2020 during the pandemic. I realize now that Bill’s stroke was a mild one. He only spent one week at Kaiser. I was not allowed to visit. I remember being allowed to see him on the hospital grounds before he was transported by ambulance to the rehab facility in Nu‘uanu. He spent four weeks there and during that whole time, I never got to see him because of COVID-19.
The first time I saw him there was when I picked him up to bring him home to ‘Ahuimanu. At home a physical therapist worked with him enough so that he was only on a walker for one week, graduating to a cane after that. He’s been walking with the cane ever since then. So it’s been hard for Bill to realize that he is not able to do a lot of what he was able to do before his stroke, such as lifting heavy furniture and moving heavy items easily.
After my sister died last year and her partner cleared out of the space downstairs in the house we’d built in Kailua, we had the space renovated with new kitchen cabinets, new appliances, a walk-in shower (replacing the whirlpool tub), new flooring and bright off-white paint on all the interior walls. After the house was finished in 2006, we lived upstairs until 2015, but arthritis in my right knee made it impossible for us to stay there. That’s when we moved into our daughter’s townhouse in ‘Ahuimanu and she moved upstairs in the Kailua house. We’ve been helping her with her mortgage ever since.
Now it’s time for us to move back to Kailua so we can be taken care of in our declining years.
As I said, we’re not in charge anymore. The kids are in charge now even, though the kids are in their 50s now. When the kids were little/younger, we were in charge. We placed them in our neighborhood schools, paid for their hula and piano lessons, drove them to and from practice sessions, and when it was time after their elementary years, helped get them into Kamehameha and paid their tuition. We did much the same with drama, hula and band practice sessions there. We paid tuition for college and helped with car insurance.
Not it’s their turn to be in charge. If that means waiting until they have time in their busy schedules to move furniture or appliances, so be it. Complaining won’t help, patience will.
The more my husband complains, the more often I have to remind him and myself. We’re not in charge anymore.
It meant we had to wait weeks — or a whole month — until we finally moved into the downstairs space the first week in October — where we’re still not in charge.
Bill power-washed the area on the lānai and wanted to move the fridge from ‘Ahuimanu to be plugged in there for his beer and my daughter’s wine weeks ago, but it had to wait until she and her husband had time last weekend.
Because, we’re not in charge anymore.
Anita ‘Ilima Stern is a retired elementary school teacher and writer who taught hula for 33 years. Her students liked learning hula and chant from her and appreciated the positive feedback they received. She lives in Kailua on O‘ahu.
If you have thoughts or a story to share, email the editor: debra@generations808.com. It may be published in Generations Magazine, Facebook or our website.
“We’re not in charge anymore” is the phrase I find myself repeating over and over again to my husband, Bill. The first time I heard myself say that to him was when he complained about waiting for our son and his partner to choose a date in September to move some of our furniture from…
