Category: Giving Care

Caregivers Must Ask Others for Help

When it’s a family caregiver’s sole responsibility to manage the care of a loved one, there will come a time when stress will get to a level where the caregiver becomes unable to perform self-care or continue to provide for their loved one. Getting others involved to help the caregiver will bring much-needed relief. Family caregivers can feel emotionally and physically drained with the constant tasks that come up, sometimes unexpectedly. Here are some examples of unexpected events:

FALLS: A loved one may be fragile enough to experience a fall that may result in some devastating outcomes, including head trauma, a broken hip or another broken bone. This would involve a trip to the emergency room and a call to the doctor to report the fall.

SKIN TEARS: Open skin is a magnet for infections, which will only serve to complicate care. Skin tears need proper attention.

URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS: UTIs are hard to recognize when caregivers are busy. A sudden change in behavior, more confusion than usual or hallucinations are among the first signs. Often, our kūpuna do not have strong immune systems that signal the presence of a UTI with a fever or other typical sign of infection.

These challenges are common when caring for an elderly loved one and family caregivers need to be prepared to manage them and also allow others to step in to help as needed. Communicating the plan to others will make these problems seem less traumatic. Consider these recommendations for involving others when providing primary care for a loved one in need.

• Allow family members/friends to manage others that may be dependent as well, such as children, grandchildren or siblings.

• Seek out healthcare agencies that can provide respite and take over the family caregiver’s tasks a few times a week for a number of hours, or even a full day.

• Ask friends to run errands, such as picking up prescriptions, food and supplies, etc.

• Keep family members informed of all situations so they know when the tasks will increase as the loved one needs more advanced care. Plans can be altered to include other family members and friends.

• Just because family lives far away does not mean they cannot contribute. Ask for funds to pay for services and supplies.

• Consider support groups, including those online, to prevent feeling isolated. You may learn some new ways to feel more at peace.

• Find something to be grateful for every day. Meditate on these before starting your caretaking day, so you have a centered heart.

As the family caregiver takes on more tasks for their loved one, a wider circle of support should be available to routinely step in to provide ongoing respite. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! It will give both the caregiver and the loved one a better quality of life.

ATTENTION PLUS CARE HOME HEALTHCARE
Accredited by The Joint Commission
1580 Makaloa St., Ste. 1060, Honolulu, HI 96814
808-739-2811 | www.attentionplus.com
AGING IN HAWAII EDUCATIONAL OUTREACH PROGRAM
by Attention Plus Care — a program providing resources for seniors and their families, covering different aging topics each month. For class information and upcoming topics, call 808-440-9356.

When it’s a family caregiver’s sole responsibility to manage the care of a loved one, there will come a time when stress will get to a level where the caregiver becomes unable to perform self-care or continue to provide for their loved one. Getting others involved to help the caregiver will bring much-needed relief.
Gimme A Break! Care for Caregivers

The woman in line in front of me was tending to her father who apparently suffered from dementia. Suddenly, she completely lost it and was yelling at him. I thought she was going to hit him! He looked frightened, dazed and confused. When I tried to console the woman, she yelled back at me, ‘YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M GOING THROUGH!’”

It may be easy to find fault with this woman, who “came unglued” and mistreated her father. But there is a reason for this behavior. First, think about this moment in her caregiver’s journey: “You don’t know what I’m going through.”

What is caregiver burnout?

Caregiver burnout is a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion. Burnout can occur when caregivers don’t get the help or respite they need, or if they try to do more than they are able. Caregivers often are so busy caring for others that they tend to neglect their own emotional, physical and spiritual health, leading to fatigue, stress, anger, anxiety, depression and burnout.

What can I do to prevent burnout?

One way to prevent caregiver burnout is to take advantage of respite care services. Gimme A Break (GAB) does know what you are going through. GAB provides the support needed when a caregiver has had enough! The nonprofit cares for caregivers by giving them an emotional and physical break, as well as resources for continued well-being — all at no cost.

GAB provide respite in various ways:

■ Support Sessions. Support sessions connect you with a community of caregivers to better assess and serve your needs. The weekly sessions offer education, shared knowledge and professional guest speakers.
■ Resources — Trusted Partners. GAB continues to provide “breaks” in the form of resources from its trusted partners that give you worry-free assistance with all things caregiving.
■ Physical “Break.” GAB provides respite — a physical “break” from your caregiving duties.As part of GAB’s community of caregivers, you will never feel alone or isolated again.

NOTE: Taking care of yourself is not a luxury. It’s an absolute necessity for caregivers.

GIMME A BREAK (501(c) 3 nonprofit)
46-056 Kamehameha Hwy., Ste. F-09, Kaneohe, HI 96744
808-754-3787 | www.gab808.com
Every caregiver deserves our support. Your contribution will give them the break that they need. To give time: https://gab808.com/be-a-giver-of-time
To give funds: https://gab808.com/be-a-giver-of-money To join their Gimme a Dollar $1,000,000 Campaign: https://gab808.com/dollar

The woman in line in front of me was tending to her father who apparently suffered from dementia. Suddenly, she completely lost it and was yelling at him. I thought she was going to hit him! He looked frightened, dazed and confused. When I tried to console the woman, she yelled back at me, ‘YOU…
Is Task-Based Home Care Right for Me?

You may think that in-home assistance is only for people who are very old, very ill or recovering from a severe injury or surgery. But nowadays, capable and self-reliant seniors are employing a new kind of assistant to provide task-based in-home care. A task-based assistant can help you with those burdensome chores that are becoming challenging or that you just don’t like to do anymore.

Most seniors say they don’t need the constant oversight of long visits and hands-on help that is hourly home care. However, some folks might appreciate assistance with duties such as carrying a heavy load of laundry or getting a friendly check-in visit for help with daily medications.

These seniors can now call on task-based in-home assistance for occasional help with:

• Light Housekeeping and Laundry
• Meal Preparation
• Medication Reminders
• Transportation Set-Up
• A Shower or Other Personal Care Assistance

Long hours of in-home care are right for some, but for more independent and self-reliant seniors, task-based, personalized and affordable in-home assistance is a new option for an effective way to continue living at home independently.

VIVIA BY HO‘OKELE HOME CARE
820 Mililani St., Ste. 711, Honolulu, HI 96813
808-784-3049 | info@viviacares.com
www.viviacares.com

You may think that in-home assistance is only for people who are very old, very ill or recovering from a severe injury or surgery. But nowadays, capable and self-reliant seniors are employing a new kind of assistant to provide task-based in-home care. A task-based assistant can help you with those burdensome chores that are becoming…
Dementia & Driving: The Warning Signs
Most people feel a sense of control when they’re behind the wheel. So what happens when it’s time to retire the car keys? The decision to stop driving can be one of the most challenging topics families and people living with Alzheimer’s disease face.

Aging may impact our ability to drive safely; however, a person living with Alzheimer’s disease will not be able to drive at some point, because cognitive changes in the brain will affect reaction times and focus.

SIGNS OF UNSAFE DRIVING: Sometimes, the first warning signs of Alzheimer’s disease show up in driving abilities — taking longer than usual to run quick errands, forgetting where they’re driving to or how to get there, making mistakes at intersections and frequently not remembering where the car was parked. Since no one has a perfect memory, it’s important to track these kinds. Log any new dents and scratches on the vehicle, tickets or episodes of unsafe driving. If you notice changes, it’s time to take action.

PLAN AHEAD: It’s important to make sure you have a options in place ahead of time, because taking away the keys can present problems for caregivers and loved ones alike. Start a routine so the person is still able to maintain an active lifestyle. Involve friends and family who are willing and able help out as unofficial taxi drivers.

APPEAL TO THEIR SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY: Be prepared for resistance. Anger is a common reaction. Focus on showing your empathy to the person and plant the seeds for options you have in mind for the future. Remind them of the importance of safety on the road — both their own and other people’s. Try phrases like, “I know you don’t want to hurt anyone driving.” If needed, you can ask your doctor to speak with them or design a “driving contract” that the person agrees to.

REMOVING DRIVING REMINDERS: Depending on the situation, removing the vehicle along with the temptation to drive it can be the most effective action. Letting a family or friend borrow the car for a few weeks can start the transition to no driving and at the same time, give the person the sense of helping another.

There are plenty of ways to get creative in your approach. And your motivation is the safety of everyone on (and off) the road. If you are experiencing driving challenges yourself, talk to someone. The road ahead is less difficult when you allow others to help you navigate.

For additional resources, visit https://bit.ly/AADriving.
Most people feel a sense of control when they’re behind the wheel. So what happens when it’s time to retire the car keys? The decision to stop driving can be one of the most challenging topics families and people living with Alzheimer’s disease face.
The Long Goodbye

Usually, events that necessitate a goodbye are seen as sad… or at least poignant. In our younger years, we expected these goodbyes to be temporary — we knew we were going to see them again! As we get older, we start to understand that a goodbye may mean moving so far away that visiting will be unlikely and the relationship we loved may be permanently changed. And then come the goodbyes we know are final — the farewells at the end of a life that leave us with only memories of a loved one.

Waking each caregiving day and finding your loved one still breathing is another opportunity for you to cherish that life — an opportunity to set aside words spoken in frustration yesterday. Today is another opportunity to smooth the worried brow of a person unable to finish their days on Earth on their own terms. Today gives us another chance to learn better ways to say goodbye.

Although caregivers can get easily get caught up in a myriad of daily details that need constant attention, they also need to remember that caregiving is often a long, slow goodbye. Help ensure this final goodbye is a sweet one by telling your loved one what they want to hear from you — reassurance that you love them, what they mean to you and positive memories of the wonderful times you’ve shared.

THE CAREGIVER FOUNDATION (501(c) 3 nonprofit)
926 3rd St., Pearl City, HI 96782
808-625-3782 | info@thecaregiverfoundation.org
www.thecaregiverfoundation.org

Usually, events that necessitate a goodbye are seen as sad… or at least poignant. In our younger years, we expected these goodbyes to be temporary — we knew we were going to see them again! As we get older, we start to understand that a goodbye may mean moving so far away that visiting will…
Signs That Mom Needs More Help

Family members must prepare now for the day their senior needs more help — the kind of help that may require them to reprioritize their lives. If only there were a date set aside for this change in everybody’s life. But we must keep in mind that a sudden fall or illness could change everything — and it could happen at any time.

Our seniors can have active lives up until the day they don’t. Then, family members may have to change directions suddenly. This may involve taking time off work and moving other commitments to the back burner.

However, we can look for signs that indicate our senior may soon be needing a bit more help. Here are a few to look out for:

■ AGE: The older your senior is, the closer they will be to needing help, especially if they are slowing down physically.

■ MEMORY: Forgetfulness could be a sign of illness affecting the brain or other systems. This symptom generates worry for family members who must leave their senior alone for long periods of time.

■ DRIVING: If your senior is not driving anymore because it is not “safe” due to visual problems, mobility issues or cognitive concerns, this may be a sign that other tasks are not easy for them as well.

■ WEIGHT LOSS OR DEHYDRATION: These are real concerns that indicate they are not eating or drinking enough. Frequent urinary tract infections may indicate not enough fluid intake or poor personal hygiene in the bathroom.

■ UNPAID BILLS/UNOPENED MAIL: Our seniors like to have control over their finances until there comes a day when they stop opening their mail. This is a clue they are either forgetting to do it or its not a priority for them anymore.

■ FREQUENT PHONE CALLS WHILE FAMILY IS AT WORK: If family members are receiving frequent calls from their senior during working hours, it may mean things are about to change. These frequent calls can indicate loneliness, forgetting that they just called or anxiety about something they have no control over.

■ FALLS: This could be the “last straw,” especially if the fall results in an injury. Family members may have to find outside help to monitor their senior for safe mobility while they are away at work.

Just like planning ahead for disasters, planning for the day your senior needs help should be a priority, so being aware of some of the scenarios above should be on your radar.

Of course, your senior will deny they need help and may say something like, “I don’t want you to worry about me. I can take care of myself.” But if you feel that twinge in your gut telling you that what you are seeing is not consistent with what they are saying, don’t ignore it! Now may be the time to move into a different role for your senior or the time to seek outside help.

ATTENTION PLUS CARE HOME HEALTHCARE
Accredited by The Joint Commission
1580 Makaloa St., Ste. 1060, Honolulu, HI 96814
808-739-2811 | www.attentionplus.com
AGING IN HAWAII EDUCATIONAL OUTREACH PROGRAM
by Attention Plus Care — a program providing resources for seniors and their families, covering different aging topics each month. For class information and upcoming topics, call 808-440-9356.

Family members must prepare now for the day their senior needs more help — the kind of help that may require them to reprioritize their lives. If only there were a date set aside for this change in everybody’s life. But we must keep in mind that a sudden fall or illness could change everything…
Montessori Method of Dementia Care

Meaningful, familiar and ability-matching activities for those with dementia is the goal of the Montessori method of dementia care. Long-term memories can be unlocked through engaging in familiar tasks.

Matching up socks can engage the senses and provide a sense of accomplishment for those with dementia

Using this as a form of activity in a care setting involves providing easy tasks broken down into simple steps that can spark interest and have successful outcomes. Matching and folding a basket of brightly colored socks is a good example. Their textures and colors engage the senses, while finishing the task unassisted provides a sense of accomplishment. Memories of caring for a home and a sense of independence can resurface.

Facility design is key to the success of this method: Setting up simple activities in inviting ways draws the individual in without forcing him or her to participate can evoke feelings of empowerment. This is different than a regularly scheduled activity program as tasks are done at the individual’s leisure. Garden stations, writing cards and basic cooking projects all have the potential to unlock memories and positive emotions. This method has been shown to reduce anxiety and provide comfort to kūpuna, bringing joy and meaning to a day.

MANOA COTTAGE KAIMUKI
748 Olokele Ave., Honolulu, HI 96816
808-800-4089 | info@manoacottage.com
www.manoacottage.com

Meaningful, familiar and ability-matching activities for those with dementia is the goal of the Montessori method of dementia care. Long-term memories can be unlocked through engaging in familiar tasks.
Guardianship vs. Conservatorship

While there have been terrible examples of guardianship abuse cases in the news, there are also thousands of individuals who are benefiting from ethical, well-disciplined guardians.

In Hawai‘i, the word “guardian” refers to guardian of the person. The word “conservator” is used when referring to the conservator of the property.

The guardian focuses on helping to make medical, educational and person-related decisions for someone who either is not able to understand or make decisions for themselves. The conservator manages income and financial considerations. Both are appointed by a court of law.

While specific training is not required in Hawai‘i, it is important to consider the character and qualifications of the guardian nominee.

View other resources of guardians and qualifications:

– National Guardianship Association (www.guardianship.org)
– Center for Guardianship Certification (www.guardianshipcert.org)

The Caregiver Foundation provides administrative services to guardians who are seeking to execute thei {Play}r duties properly. The executive director of The Caregiver Foundation will, in some cases, act as a court-appointed guardian.

THE CAREGIVER FOUNDATION (501(c) 3 nonprofit)
926 3rd St., Pearl City, HI 96782
808-625-3782 | info@thecaregiverfoundation.org
www.thecaregiverfoundation.org

While there have been terrible examples of guardianship abuse cases in the news, there are also thousands of individuals who are benefiting from ethical, well-disciplined guardians.
Making Wise Choices for Our Kūpuna

We all need help at some point in our lives — and this is true especially for our aging loved ones. However, it can be overwhelming to choose among the variety of help that our kūpuna can utilize as they progress into aging.

Here are two tips to help guide us in choosing the best option for our loved ones.

1. Assess Loved Ones’ Needs

We should critically evaluate the needs of our loved ones. Whether the best option is to put them in a care home or have caregivers come to them, we have to objectively see to it that their needs are met.

You can list all the activities that they might need help with, as well as the time of day that they usually perform them. This will allow you to see what could be delegated and what could still be done by members of your ‘ohana.

2. Put Your Feet in Their Shoes

Many families bring their loved ones into assisted facilities and care homes for their own piece of mind. Some prefer the flexibility of living with them while outsourcing caregiving services to agencies. Whichever you chose, make sure their comfort, happiness and satisfaction are the priority.

MALAMA NUI HOME CARE LLC
45-955 Kamehameha Hwy., Ste. 202, Kaneohe, HI 96744
808-439-4058
www.malamanui.com

We all need help at some point in our lives — and this is true especially for our aging loved ones. However, it can be overwhelming to choose among the variety of help that our kūpuna can utilize as they progress into aging.
The Benefits of Aging at Home

The many benefits offered by aging at home cannot be overlooked when deciding whether to consider at-home care for kūpuna. Here are some of the most valuable:

Familiarity & Comfort

Living at home keeps kūpuna in an environment that is familiar and comforting. Remaining at home helps decrease confusion and distress that some people tend to experience as they age. Staying at home enables kūpuna to continue their daily routine, see neighbors and be surrounded by their personal items, along with the memories associated with them.

Independence

A loss of independence can have serious emotional effects on kūpuna and can be difficult to accept. Most kūpuna will eventually need assistance with everyday tasks; however, staying at home helps maintain a sense of independence and provides them the freedom to maintain normal activities and routine.

Health

Kūpuna who age at home are less susceptible to colds and viruses, as contact with others can be limited to a small care team.

Overall, the mental and physical health benefits of aging at home can improve quality of life for our kūpuna.

ALTRES HOME CARE
808-591-4930 | homecare@altres.com
www.altreshomecare.com

The many benefits offered by aging at home cannot be overlooked when deciding whether to consider at-home care for kūpuna. Here are some of the most valuable…
Hospice is About Living Fully

In Hawai‘i, it is common that some kūpuna will remain at home under the care of younger family members, even as their health declines. Aging at home can work well for some ‘ohana, but care becomes more complicated if your loved one is facing a serious or terminal illness and experiencing symptoms that are challenging to manage at home. Managing medications, medical equipment and supplies, and personal needs can be overwhelming, especially on top of the stress, fear and sadness which often comes with a difficult diagnosis, and the anticipatory grief of loss.

Hospice can help alleviate the burden on caregivers and allow everyone to be present and enjoy time with their loved ones while skilled hospice professionals help to ensure the patient’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs are being met. Hospice provides structure and support, and other benefits for patients and their families.

Three benefits of hospice care

■ Care at home. Many people think that hospice is a place, but hospice services extend to wherever the patient calls home — a private residence, assisted living community or nursing home.

■ Regain quality of life. An experienced team of professionals, including a physician, chaplain, nurse, nurse aide and social worker, help support patients and their families with physical comfort, and spiritual and emotional support as they deal with end-of-life challenges. Hospice workers also help patients and families maintain dignity by assisting with day-to-day tasks, personal care and end-of-life planning.

■ Ease financial burden. Hospice care is 100 percent covered by Medicare, Medicaid and most private insurance plans. This means services are generally provided at no cost to the patient or their family. It can lessen the financial burden by helping to avoid unnecessary and costly hospital visits, or outpatient care and services.

Starting the discussion about hospice can be difficult — some think hospice is “giving up.” But, in reality, those who turn to hospice find peace, support, satisfaction, dignity and improved quality of life. Approach the possibility of hospice care with an open mind by looking at the benefits it provides for both the patient and the family.

ISLANDS HOSPICE
820 Mililani St., Ste. 400, Honolulu, HI 96813
808-550-2552 | islandshospice.com

In Hawai‘i, it is common that some kūpuna will remain at home under the care of younger family members, even as their health declines. Aging at home can work well for some ‘ohana, but care becomes more complicated if your loved one is facing a serious or terminal illness and experiencing symptoms that are challenging…
Humility Meets Compassion

Twenty years ago, I was hired as the assisted living director for a Jewish community, where I learned about their culture, faith and life experiences. Some of the residents I cared for were Holocaust survivors and I listened to their stories.

One survivor, who I will call “LL,” lost his mother and sister during this horrific time in history. He showed me a photo of his mother and sister, as well as the number tattooed on his forearm that served as a constant reminder.

Although he went on to become successful in his career, he continued to miss his family tremendously throughout his entire life.

To this day, I cherish the story and memory of LL that has humbled me forever. I learned a lesson about empathy the day he told me his story. I’ll never forget the emotion in his eyes and I’ll never forget all the special residents of this community who touched my heart.

LL also shared a lesson with me that I feel is much-needed now. Despite the trauma he and his family experienced, he emphasized that we are still all one — we are more alike than we are different. In each of our lives, we will experience our own journey of strength and forgiveness. And during our journey, we must remember to value the gift of life!

ROSELANI PLACE (501(c) 3 nonprofit)
88 South Papa Ave., Kahului, Maui, HI 96732
808-871-7720 | Toll Free: 800-554-9853
info@roselaniplace.com | www.roselaniplace.com

Twenty years ago, I was hired as the assisted living director for a Jewish community, where I learned about their culture, faith and life experiences. Some of the residents I cared for were Holocaust survivors and I listened to their stories. One survivor, who I will call “LL,” lost his mother and sister during this…