In planning our estate, we often spend much of our energy on deciding how to distribute the home and the cash, and we often overlook the personal items. In my practice, I see families distributing large sums of money and real estate rather smoothly. Then, when it comes to personal property, family conflict arises. From an outsider’s perspective, it can seem somewhat ridiculous - fights over a couch, a ceramic pot or a blanket.
However, once memories and emotion are added to the picture – such as the family sitting on the couch enjoying each other’s company watching a movie or playing music together; or that we had made that ceramic pot in school and had given it to our parents; or that our grandmother, while in the hospital just prior to her passing, had painstakingly hand-quilted the blanket – they can carry great sentimental value.
Psychologist Steven Hendlin, in his book, Overcoming the Inheritance Taboo, writes that because the personal property holds the memories of our loved ones who have passed away, we want to hold onto these items. Often, Hendlin says, it is the fear of forgetting our loved one that drives the desire for a particular object. And, the consequence may be huge - many family members risk their relationship with another family member over an object that often possesses no financial value. Parents would not wish to see their children fighting over personal objects.
Knowing that conflict can easily surface over personal assets, what can we do? The State of Hawai‘i allows us to write down our wishes in a separate writing, often referred to as a Personal Property Memorandum. You simply make a list of your personal items, designate the beneficiary, and sign and date it.
After you prepare the memorandum, talk to your family about the list. The family discussion can help provide clarity and reduce the chance of any misunderstanding.
And, finally, these family heirlooms that connect us to our loved ones often come with a story. One priceless gift we can give to our children, our siblings and to our children, is to relay the story about the heirloom, preferably in writing.
When my mother passed away, my brothers and I put all of the personal items onto a table with the hope of taking turns telling a story about each of the items. Sadly, very few stories were told. We didn’t know the reason why my mother or father kept a particular personal item, or even whether it came from upstate New York where my mother is from, or from Hawai‘i, where my father is from. My office provides what we call “My Heartfelt Will” to our clients to write down these stories, so we don’t risk losing them.
So, when making your estate plan, remember to pay attention to the personal property as doing so can reduce confusion and conflict, promote family harmony, and preserve family history.
For information contact Stephen B. Yim, Attorney at Law at (808) 524-0251, stephenyimestateplanning.com.
The Acupressure Weight Loss and body image program provides an easy daily routine to balance your metabolism, appetite, and body’s energy system. Dieting alone is not enough. By actually working on your body - through gentle stretches, deep breathing, and self-massage on the acupressure points - you can transform your metabolism, eating imbalances, and cravings.
Nestled within the heart of historic Mo‘ili‘ili in Honolulu, The Willows sits upon one acre of lush tropical gardens, abundant with native Hawaiian flowers, and bordered by cascading waterfalls. Guests can enjoy award-winning dining outdoors or within one of the many private rooms. Like the Shangri-La of myth, The Willows is an unexpected oasis amid the hustle and bustle of the city. First-time guests usually catch their breath as they walk through the doors, while those who return always feel welcomed and at home.
The Willows Chapel has been the venue for many isle weddings, and is a popular choice for wedding receptions and other celebrations for up to 150 people in private rooms, as well as restaurant buy-outs for larger private events. Contact Keri Endo, Catering & Special Events Director for information, (808) 952-9200 ext. 63.
A special event occurs every four years called the Festival of Pacific Arts, where over 27 South Pacific nations gather to share their culture and develop friendships. The festival lasts for approximately two weeks and is filled with events from morning till night at different venues. There are over 2500 participants and many of the countries have competitions in advance to be sure they are represented by their best performers. There is no “competition” as the focus is on the celebrating and sharing of each other’s cultures. This year’s theme will be Culture in Harmony with Nature.
The festival is held in the summer, when school is out, as the local villages are responsible for the housing and feeding of participating delegations. This opportunity allows for sharing hospitality and cultural interactions between the locals and visiting countries.
On March 1, 2012, hundreds of concerned citizens will join Lanakila Meals on Wheels in the March for Meals to raise awareness of the need to fund the Kupuna Care Program and combat senior hunger. Marchers from around the island, including seniors, elected officials, and Kupuna Care service participants, will gather at the State Capitol Rotunda at 10 a.m.