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You love your family and you are good at your job. This does not mean, however, you will make a good caregiver for a loved one. Being an accomplished professional, expert or an akamai homemaker does not prepare you for the sudden responsibility of a full time caregiver.

For instance, I love my father-in-law and I am a very good lawyer, but when he had a stroke, I and my family were overwhelmed and ill-prepared for the task suddenly upon us: being a caregiver for a disabled person. When my wife was pregnant, on the other hand, we had nine months to prepare for handling another human being who was going to be dependent on us for everything. My father-in-law’s stroke happened in a moment.

My father-in-law was lucky, however, in that his care could be shared among our entire ohana. This was not the case for Dwayne Smith (not his real name). After suffering a massive heart attack, Dwayne’s adult son Peter assumed the role of caregiver. For three years, Peter took good care of his father. One day, however, Dwayne soiled his bedding; Peter began yelling at his dad and punching him. When the assault stopped, Dwayne was covered with bruises and blinded in his right eye. He was taken to the hospital and died a month later.

An estimated 65 million people nationwide serve as “informal caregivers”— usually relatives who become caregivers because of financial necessity. Unfortunately, because of caregiver stress, some of these well-meaning volunteers will make decisions or take actions they not only will regret, but also will result in harming a loved one.

If you suddenly find yourself in the position of a caregiver, you can take steps to reduce the stress of caring for a dependant loved one:

• Don’t try and do it alone: a team approach will prevent the feeling of being overwhelmed with all the tasks that need to be done. Will you pick up the pills from Longs? How about dropping off a lunch or dinner on Tuesday? Can we please add our Costco list to yours? A simple question shares responsibilities, no matter how small, and makes the job much more manageable.

• Organize Information: knowing where the identification card, insurance card and list of medication are located will greatly help at the next doctor’s visit.

• Take Care of Yourself:

•  Eat regular and nutritious meals

• Take a Break and do something for yourself

• Sleep

• Express yourself: call your buddy or join a caregiver’s support group — talk about the conflicting emotions of being a caregiver for a family member. You are not alone.Work with the person you are caring for: doing everything for your “patient” may be quicker, but in the long run, the dependency you are creating will wear you down.

To report suspected elder abuse, contact the Elder Abuse Unit at: 808-768-7536 | ElderAbuse@honolulu.gov www.ElderJusticeHonolulu.com

As we all waited in long lines for gas and supplies in the face of oncoming Hurricane Iselle, we were reminded of the importance of planning ahead for inevitable catastrophic events. Here are some things NOT to do with your estate plan, according to Casey Dowd in his article, “Estate Planning Mistakes Every Boomer Should Avoid,” published on foxbusiness.com:

• Fail to plan for large expenses such as long-term care. This may not seem like a big deal when you are relatively young and healthy, but fully 70% of us can expect to be completely incapacitated for some period of time before we die. Many of us will need care that cannot be provided in our homes in a cost-efficient way. Our options are: (A) be fabulously wealthy, (B) plan ahead, or (C) fall upon the mercy of governmental programs. (B) works best for most of us.

• Fail to update beneficiary designations on bank accounts, investment accounts, retirement accounts, and insurance policies. Having a will and revocable living trust agreement is not enough. Better yet, transfer your assets (or funnel them by way of updated beneficiary designations) to your trust. Don’t forget that you need to update your will and trust from time to time. A lot of things change: (health family situation, assets, laws, the list of people that you like and trust to have making decisions on your behalf.) Review your estate plan annually, but also make changes any time new things occur.

• Fail to take steps to avoid family strife. Making your intentions clear is the first step. You may also build incentives (and disincentives) into your estate plan to head off courtroom battles.

• Use a “do it yourself” computer program to design your estate plan. If you truly know what you are doing, these kinds of tools may work. If not, they are a crapshoot. Gamble with your family’s future if you like, but better to save your loved ones a good deal of time and money by not taking shortcuts.

• Put your kids on the title to your stuff during your lifetime. Not only might you be setting them up for capital gains taxes, bit also you may be putting your assets at risk. Once you give something away, it is gone. Not even your kids’ good intentions will spare you from the wrath of their creditors or ex-spouses.
  Estate planning is serious business, and you are better off doing it right. Usually, that will mean working with professionals who will charge for their services. Shop around until you find advisors who will help you devise a workable plan, know what they are doing, and who are worth their fees.

Scott Makuakane, Counselor at Law
Focusing exclusively on estate planning and trust law.
Watch Scott’s TV show, Malama Kupuna
Sundays at 8:30 p.m. on KWHE, Oceanic channel 11
www.est8planning.com
O‘ahu: 808-587-8227 | maku@est8planning.com