Like birthdays and anniversaries, holidays are filled with loving memories of special times celebrated with family and friends.
But when you have experienced the loss of a loved one and are grieving, it is sometimes difficult to authentically participate with others during the holidays.
Your world has changed, often in profound and very personal ways. Emotions are often complex and hard to share with others.
So how can you manage these feelings? Here are some ideas and resources that may be helpful to you this holiday season.
♥ Give yourself permission and space to feel what you are feeling now. Realize you won’t always feel like you do now. Reduce the expectations that you place on yourself. We each grieve in our own unique way with our own timing. These feelings can be unpredictable — much like riding a roller coaster. ♥ Create a new holiday custom in their memory. Consider setting a place at the holiday table for your loved one who died, lighting a candle in their honor, giving to a charity they liked or sharing loving stories which include them. Remember, love and grief go hand in hand. ♥ Try sharing with others what you need. Others want to help but don’t necessarily know what you need or what might be helpful for you or your family. ♥ Don’t feel obligated to participate socially with others. It’s okay. When invited, you can say, “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.” Or say, “I can stop by for a couple of minutes.” That way, you can stay or leave the event depending on how you feel once you are there. ♥ Seek the kind of people who will provide you opportunities for healing. There are others who can be a source of compassion, love and healing during your journey.
Like birthdays and anniversaries, holidays are filled with loving memories of special times celebrated with family and friends. But when you have experienced the loss of a loved one and are grieving, it is sometimes difficult to authentically participate with others during the holidays. Your world has changed, often in profound and very personal ways.…
Falls are a significant concern for our kūpuna, often leading to serious injuries and diminished quality of life. However, proactive measures can help prevent falls.
First, maintaining physical strength and balance is crucial. Gentle exercises like tai chi, yoga or strength training enhance stability. Simple daily activities like walking or using a stationary bike can also contribute to better balance.
Despite their best efforts to remain strong and balanced, seniors sometimes need assistance with physical tasks, such as getting in and out of a vehicle. Transfer seats are specially designed to help a senior or person with a disability move from a wheelchair or scooter into a vehicle’s driver or passenger seat instead of driving or riding while seated in their wheelchair.
A transfer seat extends outside of the vehicles and lowers, making vehicle entry and exiting easier. A heavy scooter can be loaded into a car with trunk-mounted lift. These products can reduce the risk of falls and also protect the wellbeing of both the senior and the caregiver.
By using a transfer seat, kūpuna can significantly reduce their risk of falling, maintain their independence, stay active and safe, and ensure a more secure lifestyle. An evaluation with a mobility consultant can help determine whether a transfer seat is right for you.
Falls are a significant concern for our kūpuna, often leading to serious injuries and diminished quality of life. However, proactive measures can help prevent falls. First, maintaining physical strength and balance is crucial. Gentle exercises like tai chi, yoga or strength training enhance stability. Simple daily activities like walking or using a stationary bike can…
Having a very strict father was the key to the life of Jeanette S. Akamine because she has always been very independent. She said that his teachings were always with a positive attitude.
Jeanette models a colorful traditional costume at this year’s Okinawan Festival. PC: One Moment in Time Photography
She graduated from St. Francis Convent, then helped support the family’s Nu‘uanu Avenue Myogaya Restaurant in the kitchen. Jeanette completed beauty school at the age of 40, with night classes on fashion at the UH, then opened her own beauty shop called “J’s Waikiki Beauty Salon.” In order for her clients to use the only parking stall, Jeanette walked three miles to and from home. As of today, Jeanette still cuts hair for the family and keeps her license active.
Turning 100 on Nov. 19, 2024, Jeanette being the oldest of 10 children, seven still surviving today, attributes her longevity to a caring and loving family, plus eating fruits and vegetables.
A typical day in Jeanette’s life is to wake up about 6am, exercise, meditate and have breakfast as she reads the newspaper. She still prepares her own food for lunch and dinner too. Karaoke is every Friday at the Lanakila Multi-Purpose Center and Hanafuda on Thursday at the Windward Mall. I want to be like this vibrant “crackerjack.”
Having a very strict father was the key to the life of Jeanette S. Akamine because she has always been very independent. She said that his teachings were always with a positive attitude. She graduated from St. Francis Convent, then helped support the family’s Nu‘uanu Avenue Myogaya Restaurant in the kitchen. Jeanette completed beauty school…
To see Jacqui and Chuck Probst smiling on the pickleball court as they battle their opponents, one may never guess they experienced an actual war at a young age. Both volunteered for service in the Army during the Vietnam War in the late 1960s. They enlisted separately, as they had not met — yet.
Jacqui enlists
Jacqui was born and raised in Waimea on the Big Island. After earning a BS in nursing at UH, she enlisted in June 1968. She graduated from the basic Army nurse course at Ft. Sam Houston, then volunteered to go to Okinawa and served in the neurological-orthopedic ward of a US military hospital caring for evacuees from Vietnam for a year. Then she volunteered to go to Vietnam.
“When she got to Vietnam, she was assigned to what was basically a nonexistent unit,” says her husband Chuck. “In 1969, they set up a Quonset hut surgical hospital in An Khê in the Central Highlands from scratch.”
Recall a scene from the TV series “MASH” and you will get a good idea what the 17th Field Hospital was like.
Jacqui and her colleagues took care of soldiers and civilians evacuated from the battlefield around them. She worked 12-hour days, every day. “They were frequently under rocket attack from the Viet Cong,” says Chuck.
Close call
Jacqui went to take a shower one night and realized she had forgotten her soap. Just as she headed back to her quarters, all hell broke loose. The shower she had occupied seconds before was reduced to matchsticks. Her room was completely destroyed. She received fragment wounds and was deaf for several weeks due to the blast. The ear damage she incurred affects her hearing to this day. She was awarded a Purple Heart for injuries sustained in combat.
So Jacqui, now an Army captain, transferred to the 95th Evacuation Hospital where she served as the head ER nurse. The coastal hospital was safer from enemy attack. But it was another scene from “MASH” when helicopters would come in laden with casualties. However, the helicopters headed to the 95th were much larger, carrying anywhere from 20 to 35 wounded. Jacqui and her staff were sometimes suddenly overwhelmed with the influx of casualties. Jacqui’s job was to triage them — determine the urgency of their need for and nature of treatment — and prep the injured for the operating room. She kept them alive until they could be treated surgically. In addition, she also taught and worked with medics and new incoming nurses at the 95th Evacuation Hospital.
Chuck signs up
The 17th Field Hospital in An Khê in the Central Highlands of Vietnam.
Chuck signed up for the military in the summer of 1968. Once he completed his internship at a Philadelphia hospital, he volunteered for Army Special Forces (SF) to become a member of the elite Green Berets. He first went to jump school (parachuting training), then it was up to Ft. Bragg in North Carolina, where he was assigned to the 7th Special Forces Group in 1969. Then an Army Ranger School slot opened up. “Ranger School is the toughest training school the Army has,” says Chuck. Not very many physicians went to Ranger School, but his Special Forces commanding officer was confident in his choice.
The 95th Evacuation Hospital in Da Nang, January PC: Gaylen Blosse
In April 1970, Chuck completed his three-month Ranger training and was shipped off to Vietnam, where he was assigned to the 5th Special Forces Group in I Corps, adjacent to North Vietnam. He ran a 100-bed hospital for indigenous troops. Wounded Montagnard troops would be scooped up by helicopters and taken to Jacqui’s hospital, treated and then sent to the Vietnamese hospital in Da Nang. Chuck says, “I would go there once a week and try and find these fellows.” Then they would be transported to the SF-run hospital in Da Nang for treatment. “I would also sometimes go over and help out at the 95th Evacuation Hospital.”
Chuck and Jacqui’s photos may have faded, but not their love for each other and their country.
Serendipity
“In the 95th Evac ER one day, I met this cute little nurse. I asked her out. She turned me down.” Jacqui giggles in the background. “I asked her again and this time she accepted. The rest is history,” Chuck says, laughing.
Chuck came home in December 1970, they married in Hilo, then he returned to Vietnam for the last three months of his tour. He returned and they moved to Philadelphia, where Chuck spent his early years. Jacqui taught nursing at the 3,000-bed Philadelphia General Hospital for four years, utilizing her training and experience in Vietnam. Chuck went into a four-year residency program in orthopedic surgery in Philadelphia. Chuck worked nights at emergency rooms in the city to “make a couple extra bucks.” When they finished in July 1975, they moved to Maui and Chuck set up his private practice. Chuck also served in the Army Reserve, retiring as a colonel. Since retirement, they have travelled to almost 200 countries. These world travelers will be married 54 years this December.
Jacqui in Receiving and Pre-op at the 95th Evacuation Hospital in Da Nang.
Chuck and Jacqui don’t think of themselves as heroes. They view their service pragmatically and consider themselves to be fortunate. “So many people served,” says Chuck. “Many did not come back. They paid the ultimate price over there.”
Although our county’s involvement in the Vietnam War ended over 50 years ago, time does not heal all wounds or erase all memories. It takes courage to endure echoes of the past. But you can’t always determine courage at a glance. Take the couple smiling at you from the other side of the pickleball court. They just may be heroes who helped change the world through their bravery, humanity and dedication.
To see Jacqui and Chuck Probst smiling on the pickleball court as they battle their opponents, one may never guess they experienced an actual war at a young age. Both volunteered for service in the Army during the Vietnam War in the late 1960s. They enlisted separately, as they had not met — yet. Jacqui…
Real estate is often considered one’s residential or rental property. But as we age, real estate can become a burden. If this is you, you’re not alone.
Meet “Mrs. Lee,” a longtime homeowner who finds her home is too big and too much work to maintain. She receives support from a real estate planner who helps her understand her options and she learns ways to transition to a more stress-free lifestyle.
“Mrs. Wong,” is concerned about capital gains taxes and her kids fighting over inheritance. She’s been told that 70% of families will fight after their parents pass away. So she removes the burden of the rentals by selling them and creates a plan to eliminate capital gains taxes with a 1031 exchange. She is ecstatic that she can remove the potential family disputes.
“Mr. Smith” is tired of the worry of his rentals and dreams of a stress-free retirement. Collaborating with his real estate planner, he sells his rental via a 1031 exchange and replaces it with a Delaware Statutory Trust (DST), achieving financial freedom, reducing property management hassles and avoiding capital gains taxes.
The moral of these tales: With the right guidance, a real estate plan can help seniors achieve financial security and peace of mind.
Real estate is often considered one’s residential or rental property. But as we age, real estate can become a burden. If this is you, you’re not alone. Meet “Mrs. Lee,” a longtime homeowner who finds her home is too big and too much work to maintain. She receives support from a real estate planner who…
Paying too much but don’t know how to get a better price? Haggling might help. Negotiating prices via haggling can save savvy shoppers money, especially on big-ticket items like homes, vehicles or expensive services. Although it can be intimidating, haggling is common. When done respectfully, it can create a healthy marketplace. Here are a few tips to help:
Tips for New Hagglers
Research First: Find what a fair market price is and use BBB’s Get-a-Quote tool (bbb.org/get-a-quote) to get multiple quotes, empowering you to negotiate reasonably and knowledgeably.
It’s a Conversation: Think of haggling as a conversation communicating your needs and expectations to get the best value for your money.
Be Willing to Walk Away: If the seller doesn’t meet your expectations, be prepared to go elsewhere. Showing you aren’t desperate increases leverage.
Be Respectful: Always maintain a polite attitude, striving for a satisfying middle ground for both parties. When done right, haggling can be enjoyable, help you identify the right company to purchase from and save you thousands of dollars on your next big purchase.
Paying too much but don’t know how to get a better price? Haggling might help. Negotiating prices via haggling can save savvy shoppers money, especially on big-ticket items like homes, vehicles or expensive services. Although it can be intimidating, haggling is common. When done respectfully, it can create a healthy marketplace. Here are a few…
This refreshing salad is so easy to make, especially when I bake the bacon in the oven.
I usually double or triple the salad dressing recipe so there is plenty on hand for everyone to enjoy.
While I can’t remember how I got this recipe, my family has enjoyed this salad for over 40 years. When I first “served” this salad at our “tennis gang” potluck dinner, it instantly became their favorite.
Our tennis friends have been together for over 40 years now. Even though some of us no longer play tennis, we all get together because we enjoy each other’s company. It still always makes me smile when someone brings this salad.
Salad Ingredients: 1 lb. spinach 2 hardboiled eggs 2 tomatoes 5 bacon slices (425 degrees, 10 minutes) 1 can Chinese noodles 2 can water chestnuts, sliced 1 can mandarin oranges (Optional add-ons: mushrooms, chopped apple, avocado, bean sprouts, any of your favorites!)
Dressing: 3/4 cup white sugar 1 cup salad oil 1/2 cup apple cider or Japanese vinegar 1/3 cup ketchup 2 Tbsp. Worcestershire sauce 1 tsp. salt
Directions:
Wash, dry and tear spinach leaves.
Cut hardboiled eggs into quarters.
Slice tomatoes into bite-sized wedges.
Break bacon into crumbles.
Combine all salad ingredients in wooden bowl.
For the dressing, mix the sugar, salad oil, vinegar, ketchup, Worcestershire and salt in a small bowl. Blend well.
Pour desired amount over salad ingredients. Toss lightly and serve immediately.
Prep time: 30 minutes | Serves: 6
Do you have a favorite recipe and story to share? For consideration in the next issue, include a photo and mail them to Generations Recipe, PO Box 4213, Honolulu, HI 96812, or email them to Cynthia@generations808.com.
This refreshing salad is so easy to make, especially when I bake the bacon in the oven. I usually double or triple the salad dressing recipe so there is plenty on hand for everyone to enjoy. While I can’t remember how I got this recipe, my family has enjoyed this salad for over 40 years.…
Why is grief journaling good for us? Journaling is an effective coping mechanism for our grief. The journal becomes a companion as we navigate grief and serves as a safe, nonjudgmental healing outlet.
Many of us may already keep journals , but if we haven’t explored this avenue, let’s track our grief journey on paper. How do we start? ♥ Let’s pick our journal. Do we like blank or lined books? Composition books are the cheapest. We can also gather recyclable materials, like paper bags and envelopes in different colors and shapes. Staple or bind them to make a book. ♥ Let’s pick our writing elements. Do we prefer using gel or fountain pens? Pencils, crayons, markers and paints work, too. ♥ Let’s choose a time to write for at least five minutes on a daily basis. Is it morning, afternoon, evening or at bedtime? Use a timer. Start with a minute and gradually write for five minutes. Taking small steps is key when we plan to journal on a daily basis. ♥ What do we write about? What you write can range from lists of things we need, want and dream of doing to random thoughts that pop into our minds. We may choose to write letters to our loved ones. Maybe write a delicate haiku, describing something in nature. The variety of topics is virtually endless. You can write about anything. But it is also perfectly fine to start with, “I am not sure what to write about…”
Write daily for 30 days to establish a habit.
♥ Before we begin writing in our grief journal, let’s take deep breaths, be mindful, put our hands on our book and bless the pages. Next, let’s tell our inner critics to leave the room during our daily writing sessions. And let’s not worry about grammar and spelling. Now release and let it flow. ♥ After a month of journaling, let’s reflect on our words. If we don’t want to share our writings, draw or paint over the words or tear up the pages and make a collage out of them.
Why is grief journaling good for us? Journaling is an effective coping mechanism for our grief. The journal becomes a companion as we navigate grief and serves as a safe, nonjudgmental healing outlet. Many of us may already keep journals , but if we haven’t explored this avenue, let’s track our grief journey on paper.…
If you had told me a year ago that I would be experiencing the Granddaddy of Major Surgeries in 2024, I wouldn’t have believed you. But that’s what happened. And I was scared.
Last year, my cardiologist found a blocked artery. It was not partially blocked — which might have been fixed by a stent or a teeny-tiny Roto-Rooter — it would require major open heart surgery.
After months of tests and procedures, surgery was scheduled. Reality set in: I was not just going under the knife — I was having my chest opened up like a cheap can of tuna and a crew of scrubs-wearing spelunkers taking an expedition into my chest.
The planning began: My sister was flying in from the Mainland, I cleared my calendar and prepped frozen dinners. But these practical preparatory measures didn’t mitigate my fears. I’m a grown man, I’ve been through surgeries before — but the thought of having my ticker worked on was extremely frightening.
So I did some investigating and found this type of surgery is incredibly common. Over 700 of these surgeries are performed each year at the major O‘ahu hospitals. My procedure was at Straub, which alone performs over 160 of these procedures annually.
My surgeon explained everything — before, during and after. Although I would advise people to do their homework, I would also suggest avoiding a deep dive into the rabbit hole of details available online. Those facts won’t matter — you are not doing the surgery — and they’ll just drive you nuts.
Your hospital stay: What should you bring to the hospital? Well, think of it as packing for a vacation. Necessities include your “Boarding Pass” (driver’s license and credit card). Bring a warm robe (hospitals keep the AC at Reykjavik levels). Pack your phone, laptop, chargers, cables and toiletries. Books and magazines are very important because the TV only picks up the major channels. Don’t expect to stream Netflix or Hulu. The new season of “Only Murders in the Building” will just have to wait.
You won’t get much sleep. Staff will be entering your room at intervals of 3.5 seconds to take your vitals, provide meds and take an inventory of supplies. You can throw your privacy out the window. There is none in the hospital.
Friends and relatives will make the trip to the hospital, sit on cold metal folding chairs in your room and make small talk while trying not to stare at the tubes, wires and bags hanging from your body. So when they call, let them know that you’d love to see them but you will only have 10 minutes to visit because of some procedure (that you made up). That way, you will spare your visitor from having to make up a “I have to go now” story.
Home sweet home: You probably won’t be allowed to drive, so make arrangements for meals and grocery delivery.
In my case, my wonderful sister had everything under control: My necessities were all within reach and the new season of “Murders in the Building” was queued up. After she left a couple weeks later, my pre-prepared frozen meals certainly came in handy.
Major surgery is scary: That can’t be avoided — but with a little preparation, knowledge and help from friends and family, surgery may not be quite as bad as you thought it would be. Although daytime TV is…
If you had told me a year ago that I would be experiencing the Granddaddy of Major Surgeries in 2024, I wouldn’t have believed you. But that’s what happened. And I was scared. Last year, my cardiologist found a blocked artery. It was not partially blocked — which might have been fixed by a stent…
One of The American Legion’s main pillars is its concern for veterans who have served their country in any of our military branches during wartime or peacetime.
I visited many longterm care facilities as a American Legion Post 1 representative to make short patriotic talks and pass out “Thank You For You Service” certificates. I was surprised to find so many veterans residing in these facilities. The number, on average, ranged from 30 to 40 veterans, with a high of 79 at one facility.
After making a presentation in late 2021 at The Plaza in Waikiki, I became concerned about the veterans’ well-being and the loneliness they must face at the end of their lives. I wondered if they felt if anyone outside the facility really cared about them besides their family. That is when I got the idea of establishing a memorial in their honor that would serve as a lasting reminder that they would be remembered.
The Plaza in Waikiki activities director and I collaborated on a plan to have a large Wall of Honor (16-by-4-feet) with black-and-white photos, name and service branch positioned in a prominent place in the facility as a permanent reminder. It was constructed and installed by a local company and the cost was divided between our Post 1 and The Plaza’s board of directors. The wall was dedicated in 2022. Since then, another wall was installed at The Plaza in Moanalua in 2023. The next wall was installed at The Plaza in Mililani on Memorial Day, May 27, 2024.
These Walls of Honor pay tribute to The Plazas’ veterans, who have served and contributed to the the freedom that we all enjoy today. More Walls of Honor are in the queue.
THE AMERICAN LEGION POST 1 612 McCully St., Honolulu HI 808-946-6383
One of The American Legion’s main pillars is its concern for veterans who have served their country in any of our military branches during wartime or peacetime. I visited many longterm care facilities as a American Legion Post 1 representative to make short patriotic talks and pass out “Thank You For You Service” certificates. I…
Falls are the leading cause of fatal injury and the most common cause of non-fatal trauma-related hospital admissions among older adults. But falling is not the inevitable result of aging. Awareness and lifestyle adjustment can help prevent falls or lessen the number of falls. And learning how to fall safely will reduce the potential for significant injury.
Practice fall prevention with the ABC method:
Awareness: When you walk, focus on walking. Lifting your feet, looking where you are going and walking heel to toe will help keep you safe.
Balance: Exercise regularly to help develop strength and flexibility. Practice standing on one foot for 20 to 30 seconds to help develop your balance. In addition, tai chi, dancing and yoga are some of the activities that can help keep you balanced by enhancing your mind-body connection.
Control: Take control of your environment. Use handrails whenever possible. Install grab bars in your bathroom.
Using these safe falling principles can help reduce the severity of injury from falls.
When you feel like you’re about to fall forward, here are important points to remember:
Protect your head. Tuck your chin into your chest and place one hand across the centerline of your body so that your head hits your hand rather than the ground. Rather than brace for a fall, relax your hands.
Get low. Take a step forward and lower yourself as much as possible. Reach forward with one hand slightly ahead of the other. Extend both arms forward in a sliding motion. Relax into the motion. As you fall forward, begin turning your body so that you fall on soft tissue — first your calf, then your thigh, then turn onto your back, and finally, your lower back.
Do not get up immediately. If you feel dizzy, hurt or strange, don’t get up and ask for medical assistance. If you feel ok, ask for help getting up.
The practice of falling properly and safely must be conducted within a safe environment only. For more information on how to fall safely, contact Kupuna Aikido for presentations, instructions and class schedules. Visit the Kupuna Aikido website for more prevention and safety tips.
KUPUNA AIKIDO (nonprofit) kupuna.aikido@gmail.com | kupunaaikido.org – Japanese Cultural Center of Hawaii, Honolulu – Higashi Hongwanji, Honolulu – Mililani District Park, Mililani – Ahuimanu, Kaneohe
Falls are the leading cause of fatal injury and the most common cause of non-fatal trauma-related hospital admissions among older adults. But falling is not the inevitable result of aging. Awareness and lifestyle adjustment can help prevent falls or lessen the number of falls. And learning how to fall safely will reduce the potential for…
Founded in 2016, Honolulu Kupuna Shed was originally named the “Honolulu Men’s Shed,” based on an Australian model that promotes fellowship and well-being among senior men. For the past 8 years, “The Shed” focused on traditional woodworking, bike repair and canoe building. In 2022, The Shed renamed itself the “Honolulu Kupuna Shed” to encourage more women to join. From its new home in Kaka‘ako, the Honolulu Kupuna Shed has expanding its repertoire of activities to include handcrafting and jewelry making. The new, two-story facility also houses areas for laser engraving, CNC carving (a woodworking technique that uses computer-controlled machines) and lathe turning.
Additionally, the Shed will offer short classes in a number of wood and craft disciplines.
The Shed welcomes kūpuna interested in making items from wood (and other materials), collaborating in projects that benefit the community and connecting with like-minded individuals.
Founded in 2016, Honolulu Kupuna Shed was originally named the “Honolulu Men’s Shed,” based on an Australian model that promotes fellowship and well-being among senior men. For the past 8 years, “The Shed” focused on traditional woodworking, bike repair and canoe building. In 2022, The Shed renamed itself the “Honolulu Kupuna Shed” to encourage more…
